This is what happens after all the kings horses and all the kings men finally get humpty dumpty back together again… Be careful, very careful at Jeckyll Jim. Don’t fall off any floodwalls or hotel balconies. Most important, avoid slippery floors in the ladies bathroom.
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In a ‘Neck exlusive scoop, its being reported by a source who agreed to talk on the condition of anonymity that Velociman’s halloween costume next year will be as Darth “Velocitaterhead”. Conflicting reports say that this is Velocimans beachwear. Watch out in Jeckyll. PS Vman, that Red Lightsaber is what I mostly use to do the dottin’ around here, so lets see some dottin’s comeback from Jeckyll. I know there’s gonna be some red toenail polish there somewhere, well, when you’re done with the toes, move on up to the melon and dot ‘em. Then take ‘em out to breakfast. Your treat. You know how the forces of the “Dark Side” work. (Duck Rob).
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Nope, this is most definitely not Queenie back in L.A. backstage. It’s what can happen when you stay in L.A. too long and learn to roll ‘em really long. No Vman, it’s not from a brazillian zoo site either… Queenie, how do you light one that long? Initially there were unconfirmed reports that this was the first attempt of the roller to suck a basketball through a garden hose. Those were later proved false.
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Next up in ‘Neck News, we find Zonker pondering the value of “billboard forehead space”. After realizing that it’ll cost more to remove, then to apply, I _think_ he opted inout.
 A 20-year-old Nebraska man is renting his forehead for advertising space in an attempt to pay college bills, according to a Local 6 News report. Andrew Fisher said he will have a business logo or even a Web site temporarily tattooed to his forehead for 30 days. Fisher is taking bids and will award the space on his body to the winning bidder, Local 6 News reported. |
Dash finally found the tensioner that Christina lost out of her gas guzzlin SUV, but you gotta love somebody that gets a loaner that guzzles even more gas then wrecks it by backin’ into the tensioner. Also, unconfirmed reports say that the people standin’ and starin’ in amazement at the size of the tensioner are in fact Dash, and Christina.
 A giant mystery buoy that washed ashore in Cocoa Beach, Fla., Monday continues to stump U.S. Coast Guard officials, according to a Local 6 News story. Officials said the unidentified buoy was found on 24th Street South and Sunny Lane. The buoy has no identifying marks to give officials a clue as to where it may have come from. Buoys are used as navigation beacons, for weather data collection and climate research, Local 6 News partner Florida Today reported. They can break loose in severe weather, posing a danger to passing vessels. |
This next human interest story is of Sam during a visit to Santa with his pup at the mall. Stay tuned, story still developing.
 Daisy, a four-month-old Dauchshund owned by Irene Chervenick of Alliquippa, Pa., gives Santa a lick on the nose during a visit at the Petsmart store in Robinson Township, Pa., Saturday, Dec. 18, 2004.(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar) |
This just in… an update on our last story. After the li’l pup above dropped a curly steamer in the house… things went south in a hurry…
 GAINESVILLE, Fla. — A Gainesville man is charged with animal cruelty after authorities said he bit his Jack Russell terrier as punishment. Mount Lee Lacy, 21, told officers he bit his dog, Lady, because she had defecated in the house and that he routinely bit her as punishment. Police said the dog was cowering in the back of her crate when they found her. The dog had a bloody left front paw from the bite. Authorities were called to Lacy’s apartment on Saturday after receiving a concerned phone call from his girlfriend’s mother. Lacy is charged with felony animal cruelty and resisting arrest without violence. He is in jail with bond set at $25,000. |
Next up on ‘Necknews, Sports… Below is the famous surfer “Acidman“. Rumors have it the ‘nick comes from his early collegiate days, even though he claims it’s from his post collegiate profession. He’s seen here, hangin’ 10 in Costa Rica…
 Rusty Keaulana of Hawaii takes a large wave in the first heat of the Eddie Aikau Invitational on Waimea Bay in Haleiwa, Hawaii. Wednesday, Dec. 15, 2004. ‘ The Eddie’ is a one-day event held when waves are 30 feet or higher.(AP Photo/Ronen Zilberman |
Rumor has it there is a certain RedNeck with an affinity for all things numbered “8″. It’s also rumored that said ‘Neck is surfin’ ebay lookin’ for purchase and shippin’ details.
 A pig born with a curious birthmark of a number eight on its back may be headed for the chopping block unless his connection to a NASCAR superstar can save him, according to a Local 6 News report. “Ally” the pig was born in Cabell, W. Va., with a unique eight marking — the same number of NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. The pig’s owner Dana Shull isn’t really a NASCAR fan, and says Ally could be breakfast unless someone wants to buy the animal, Local 6 News reported. Shull said he plans to send a photo of the pig to Earnhardt Jr. Sometimes you have to call in the big guns to save the bacon. |
Here we see a young whipper snapper who would go on to join the marines. His young love of shootin’ shit and cuttin’ it would prove invaluable later in life.
 CONCORD, N.H. — Where other students might pose for their senior yearbook photo with a tennis racket or favorite car, Blake Douglass wants to be seen with his shotgun. The 17-year-old filed a federal lawsuit Monday to force Londonderry High School to allow the photo and give up the policy school officials used to reject it. “What they’re doing is basically discriminating based on content or message,” said Penny Dean, Douglass’ lawyer and a specialist in gun cases. “You can’t do that. You might want to but you can’t — and especially you can’t with a broad policy like this.” An avid hunter and trap and skeet shooter, Douglass said he decided long ago on his senior photo — an outdoor shot in a sportsman’s pose, with him wearing a shooting vest and holding his broke-open shotgun over his shoulder. |
It’s being reported there’s a new moonbat sheriff in town. Happy hunting Geoffery and Gordon.
 A great white shark breaches the water in False Bay, Cape Town, South Africa, in this undated file photo. A shark of the same species attacked and presumably killed an elderly woman, Tyna Webb, as she swam Monday Nov. 15, 2004 off Sunny Cove in Fish Hoek as she had for 17 years. About 15 people witnessed the attack and she was presumed dead, officials said. (AP Photo/Chris Fallows, Die Burger, File) |
Our reporters weren’t sure exactly what was goin’ on here, but we’ve got our own Mr. Helpful to help us figure it out. Early predictions suggest an ass chewin’ or a crappin’ down the throat episode. We’ll wait for the expert to let us know and report back. Perhaps its just preparation for the Big Texan to Talk Shit. Who knows.
 Tim Thibodeaux is perched precariously atop’ Big Tex’ as he prepares the 52-foot-tall talking cowboy figure for the opening of the State Fair of Texas in Dallas, Monday, Sept. 20, 2004. Big Tex made his debut in 1952 and began greeting fairgoers in 1953. The 2004 State Fair of Texas runs from Friday, Sept. 24 through Sunday, Oct. 17. (AP Photo/Donna McWilliam) |
While this reporter is certain to take an castrationass whippin’ for this… he can’t help it and considerin’ the administrators of said whippin’, might be inclined to enjoy it. Two unnamed slaw slingin’ wrestlers were shown mid battle. It might be a look into the future for what’s to come at Jeckyll. Especially if some of the other attendees have been good this year.
 DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Crowds in Daytona Beach, Fla., enjoyed Bike Week’s messiest event in March of 2004 as women wrestled each other in a giant pool of coleslaw, according to Local 6 News. Sopotnick’s Cabbage Patch bar in Samsala sponsors the annual coleslaw wrestling matches as part of the Bike Week motorcycle festival that draws hundreds of thousands of bikers nationwide to the Daytona Beach area. The women who enter Sopotnick’s event wrestle each other in bikinis and less for a grand prize of $500. However, most of the 20 women in this year’s event joined just to have fun, according to Local 6 News. The rules in the coleslaw wrestling matches are “no biting and no kicking” but most everything else is legal in the ring. |
Weather News… if freakin’ cold. That’s all.
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January 18th, 2005 at 9:34 pm
Mine is a big damn truck, ‘Neck! Thanks, man…I usually don’t allow pictures of me to be taken in swimsuits…but, that’ll do.
January 18th, 2005 at 11:27 pm
Damned paparazzi…
January 19th, 2005 at 9:15 am
Are you buying ad space or not, ‘Neck?! Come on…make a decision already. Depending on your target demographic, my forehead can generate significant revenue. Let me know, though. Krispy Kreme expressed interest as well.
January 19th, 2005 at 9:25 am
Sorry Z,
I found a better billboard…
http://www.sondrak.com/archive/004908.php
Give the space to Krispy Kreme, I hear they’re slumpin’ and could use the boost.
January 19th, 2005 at 10:06 am
I COULD take Sondra’s approach but the logistics of it all…hmmm…maybe if I trim my ass hair to form the shape of the message. I could make this work, dammit!
January 19th, 2005 at 12:19 pm
That’s a tensioner? I thought it was a giant tinker toy.
January 19th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
It could be that too Dash. Either way it would appear similar to the “unmovable” object Christina was referrin’ to.
January 19th, 2005 at 11:10 pm
Maybe I’ll go in drag so my visits to the ladies rooms don’t cause quite such a stir.
January 25th, 2005 at 4:57 pm
Ohhh, how did I miss this? And how did I know before reading it which pick I was linked with?
Thanks Neck, for the mention. ; )
April 15th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
Coleslaw Wrestling
Okay, this is a first in my book!…